Ten Years
by Roxanne Morinaka
Summary: Tiva - SPOLIERS and AU. It has been ten years Tony reflects, ten years since he saw her. Ten years and suddenly there she is. ONESHOT


Note: SPOLIERS for season 5 (or at least the amount we have seen so far) and then off into the AU. This was inspired by a quote from Strangers in Paradise that you will see below.

Ten years.

'_It's been ten years._

_Ten years since we last spoke. Ten years since I looked into her eyes. Ten years since she held my hand and told me goodbye._

_I didn't believe her when she said it, but I was wrong._

_Ten years._

_I smell her hair on the wind. The scent of winter._

_Suddenly I realise, for the first time in ten years, I can breathe.' _

_Strangers in Paradise, Sanctuary by Terry Moore._

Ten years Tony had waited. Ten years and he couldn't quite muster the ten steps that would have brought him to her.

Her back was to him; maybe ninja skills faded and she thought that she was alone, maybe they didn't and she just didn't care.

He shoulders shifted and he thought that she was going to turn his way…he held his breath. Instead she put one hand beside her and answered her phone, Hebrew but her voice. He closed his eyes to listen and when he opened them she had gone.

It all seemed so stupid now; after Jeanne and his betrayal he had wanted something from Ziva; some kind of understanding or respect. He'd hurt someone that he had loved…he had loved for Christ's sake…and more he'd proved that he could do what she did. He could lie, chest, pretend…he'd hated it. But he had shown her and Gibbs that he was just as good, just as flexible.

Before Ziva had known it was work she had tried to be understanding; he'd laughed in her face. When she found out she just looked disappointed 'you shouldn't have fallen in love with her,' she'd said as if she was so easy.

Maybe it was for her, she'd done much worse he was sure and even after the 'orange hat' had died she hadn't quite let go of the mission. Ziva David woman or robot?

He'd been angry then bitter with grief. He'd pushed her heavy and hard with jokes about her inability to pick up American colloquialisms; jokes became jibes; sarcastic remarks became snide. It was grim determination that made him cold to her then, a malevolent urge to watch as he forced the hope in her eyes to dim.

He had known that she loved him. She was too awkward in it, too confused and jealous to be anything but obvious. In those dark weeks her could have looked her in the eye and coldly told her it was nothing to him.

She had looked elsewhere; to power and strength and a man that had crushed them all like bugs. A man who had broken his nose and managed what he couldn't. A man who had Ziva's sympathy, who had Gibbs' respect.

That passed quickly but Ziva's roving eye was back, bringing with it the old mixed messages. She memorized a book of movie facts and no other discernible reason that to bond with him. She flirted with rude FBI agents who were 'looking for Gibbs' FBI agents that just didn't understand the fact that when Gibbs was not there he was in charge. She had smiled at him and pressed a finger to his lips. True it had been part of a quote but…

Then he had remembered Jeanne, and even with the ripped, burnt letter he'd wondered what could have been.

He was rude to Ziva again.

It was a low blow and poorly timed because secondments don't last forever. Her farther had given her a better reason to go back than his catty xenophobic remarks had given her to stay. Gibbs had tried his best to convince her but Israel called. Tony had known that he could stop her, that with a word he could have renewed the hope he had killed.

They said their farewells. McGee had clung to her and given her at least twenty contact e-mail address's, Abbey had hugged her hard enough to bruise, Gibbs had given her a small smile and a shoulder squeeze…Tony had said goodbye. Just that. 'Good bye Ziva' a pained smile and nothing.

Ten years of nothing.

A Mossad agent is like a shadow. Sometimes he thought he saw her, that he had caught something out of the corner of his eyes. Nothing but smoke and shadows.

He didn't stand s tall as he had then, or smile as often. He had crows feet and alimony and a heart broken to many times to ever be fixed. He was a liar; in every aspect of every day; in every smile and order and explanation of the 'big picture'.

Ten years and she was gone again.

He had let her slip away so easily, let her go without shouting at her until her was hoarse, without kissing her until she was suffocating. He had let her leave without telling her how selfish she was for leaving them and never looking back, for treating them like a mission.

Ten years and he would search for her now. He had seen her, she had let him see her whether she meant to or not. Ten years and he would find her, hold her and never ever let her go.

Ten years and just for a moment he could breathe.


End file.
